it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Drake has all the answers
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
