so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
