dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Just cropdusted the office
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
