those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
