we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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