xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
A bitchslap is in order.
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