don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
