Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
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