billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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