i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
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