I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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