Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
