How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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