I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
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