I CAN MOONWALK!
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize