Kareoke will never be a sober sport
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I just cut my nipple shaving
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Randomize
