she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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