I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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