so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
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Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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