Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
