how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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