I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
