so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
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We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
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We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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