we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
