saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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