i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
