it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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