fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
