I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I could fuck to npr.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
