I think i peed on brittanys purse
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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