Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
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