I got chris browned last night
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
