I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
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