Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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