Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
