So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
