I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
