I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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