Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Randomize
