Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
