I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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