Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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