God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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