Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
are you so shy because you have an std?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
