we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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