i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
