I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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