My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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