Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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