my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
