Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Randomize
