he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
