if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
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