you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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