i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize
