We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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