Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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